Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Cake balls!

First, I'll plug for my friend Megan's blog cause she put me up to this: http://whostheminionhere.blogspot.com/2011/12/kitchen-win-cake-pops.html

Originally this was supposed to be "Cake pops". Apparently these have been trendy for awhile, but yesterday was the first I'd heard of them. In a fit of idealism, I decided I could handle making these magical cake pops. But:
A--Couldn't find the sticks at my grocery store
B---I'm lazy and the sticks add more time
C---There seems to be coordination involved with dipping and spinning.

So stickless balls it is! That's my motto.

I bought at Betty Crocker Red Velvet cake mix, chocolate frosting, and green sparkly sugar for decoration.  A friend suggested I should have made the cake from scratch. BABY STEPS PEOPLE! Geez.

Steps were pretty straight forward without the sticks. Make cake. Let cake cool. Break cake up into stuffing style mix. Mix frosting in massacred cake. Form balls. Chill balls. Melt chocolate. Dip balls in chocolate. Add sparkly stuff. Cool. Enjoy.

I started going wrong at step 3. I massacred my cake (which felt oddly defeating....I mean, I made a cake!) added frosting and started to mix with my hands.....only to realize I needed more frosting.  At this point, hands looked like I'd murdered the Pillsbury doughboy and ripped out his heart in a fit of rage (See below)

SOLUTION! Cried for help. Roommate came and saved me by adding rest of frosting. Hummed and did dance that I was a master chef......only to realize I didn't have a place for my balls once I formed them. Roommate had left! Resorted to using whatever was laying out and I didn't have to touch......including a pan used to make stuffed pepers, a cutting board, and napkins.  Tossed all those objects in the fridge to chill my balls.

Googled instructions on how long to chill.....found times all over the place, decided "I'm tired now" was the proper time. Microwaved chocolate for dipping. DISASTER!!!!!!! Chocolate seized up. Was more like custard than liquid coating. Panicked. Dropped ball in chocolate by mistake. Cursed. Figured what the hell and just tried to use my hands to coat the balls which ended up kind of "skinning" the balls.....which is creepy when they're red velvet and they sort of bleed on you.

Had to frantically shake the colored sugar on them because they cooled CRAZY fast.

Things in my kitchen now covered in chocolate because it was all over my hands:
-Microwave, Faucet, stove, fridge, bowls, stove top, parts of my wall, coffee maker, toaster (no idea)

End Result: ....actually not too bad. They don't look "pretty", but definitely not repulsive.

They were for a bake sale and I think some poor fool will be lured in by their chocolatey exterior. My roommate said they were tasty, but she loves frosting and that's basically what they tasted like on the inside. Though I'm not sure how I could have made them "more cakey" with less frosting.....

Tastiness: 5/10
Appearance: 4/10
Worth the effort?: HELL NO
Cleanup factor: I'm still cleaning up 48 hours later

Monday, December 5, 2011

A joke becomes reality

I once joked on Facebook that I was going to start a cooking blog called "That was not worth the effort". I'm not big on promoting my failures, but I've recently become determined to learn how to cook to a passable degree. I'm descended from a long line of legendary cooks, all of whom roll in their graves each time I heat up a Lean Cuisine.

So yes, here it is in all it's glory. Updates will probably be sporadic at first, but I hope to eventually get the swing of it. It will be like Julie and Julia, except with more swearing, fires, and broken glass. And minus the exotic French cuisine, of course.