Saturday, September 21, 2013

MmmmPie (Part 2)

(This is a 2nd half of a post because Google is being evil!)

So I go through all the apples with varying degrees of success. Some of them I had to fix by hand with a knife, but overall it was still faster and better than peeling them all by hand. And speaking of hands.....I made it through 5/6 of the apples, and on #5, I was pulling the core off the spike, hand slipped, and I cut my hand on the core-er.
For anyone who actually EATS this pie: No blood got near the ingredients, fear not!
I was so close.....and yet so far. And by now, my kitchen is looking a royal MESS.

On the plus side, apple skins make a tasty snack
So I toss sugar and cinnamon on the apples and 1/8 teaspoon of salt per the recipe. They don't MAKE 1/8 teaspoon measurement because it's too small.  But every recipe must have salt. It's the LAW.

So I bust out the dough from the fridge and start rolling. It rolls BEAUTIFULLY (Crisco for the win!) I'm doing a dance because the dough is so perfect. I flip it onto the pan.....only to realize I hadn't put flour on the mat first.
I'm too afraid to peel back and look

Oh the humanity!

So I basically resort to "patching" as best I can. By the end of it, my crust looks like a Frankencrust, having been butchered to save itself......especially after a similar problem happened with the top crust (I remembered the flour but botched the dismount from the mat to the pie tin)

So I use a fork to try and mash the crust into looking presentable. Overall, in the end it wasn't too bad looking (I added slits to vent after this pic).  Joy of Cooking suggested I could do cut outs to decorate the top.....I laugh at this. Just what I need on my Frankencrust is deformed Santa hats or whatever cutouts I can find.


Um, well my kitchen looks like THIS:

And it took me.....well I'm not going to admit that, but it was an afternoon endeavour to say the least. But the pie looks okay. The crust burnt a little.....and so did my hands because at my Mother's suggestion, I took the pie out halfway through and tried to wrap tinfoil around the crust to protect it. I tried with mitts, I tried with was just an epic fail of an attempt. So burnt crust it is. We'll see tomorrow if the boy likes it.


The title was inspired by a vanity license plate I saw once.

Anywho, this week was the boy's birthday. We celebrated Wednesday, but his family shindig is tomorrow. So I decided to try and make him an apple pie (his favorite).  Because we all know that the way to a man's heart is through his clogged arteries.

Now, I made him one earlier this year, but my mother supervised (to the point of physically holding my hands) so I felt that didn't count. On this one, I was GOING ROGUE!

So, a lesson I have yet to learn, is to pick a recipe before I start buying ingredients. I bought a 5lb bag of apples, only to find out I needed less than half that (Damn you Joy of Cooking and your tiny font!) I also had no Crisco, but I caved and bought some. (Suggestions of what the hell to do with the rest of it are welcome)

So first I chilled the crisco and butter. Not sure why you're supposed to do this, BUT YOU ARE!
This reminded me that I really don't know what the hell containers you're supposed to use for this. I end up using tupperware....plates....whatever I can get my hands on.

So I bust out my new food processor to make the dough. Toss in the flour (I don't have a sifter so I just shook it a bunch) After letting my fat chill, I start mixing it in. Joy of Cooking (JOC) tell me to put in half the crisco.....THEN (and only then) put in the OTHER half. What the hell difference does that make?!

Problem is, I didn't listen to my mother and got the smaller food processor. The following convo illustrated how this happened:

Mom: (in store trying to talk me out of smaller one)  But you'll only be able to make ONE pie crust at a time!"

So yeah, long story short, there was room for the pie dough, but it didn't "stir" well because it was so full.  I had to keep opening it and manually flipping it, which kinda defeats the point of having a food processor.
The dough kept picking sides

But shockingly, the dough turned out okay.
So I toss those into the fridge to chill (at this point I realize I have no wax paper, so make do with tinfoil) Now, onto the apples

My mother was kind enough to give me an apple peeler/corer that looks like an ancient torture device, but is super awesome.  Basically you impale the apple on the spikes, start turning it, launch this blade at JUST the right moment as you keep cranking, and it peels, slices, and cores the whole apple. IF YOU DO IT JUST RIGHT. Fortunately I'd practiced with it when my Mom supervised my last pie.
What it looks like when it's perfect (Product Ad Pic)



Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Guest Edition: Let them eat cake!

Note: I've been all over the place this month, so I probably won't have any updates for a bit (*hears crickets*) So in lieu of my usual wit, I'm letting my co-worker KK post about her cake adventure. Enjoy!
Inspired by this blog, I decided to create my very own guest entry.  Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve always considered myself a quality baker. I really enjoy baking cakes, breads, name it! I come from a long line of women who have recipes memorized like the Pledge of Allegiance – so I have have some pretty big shoes to fill.

In my recent attempt to bake a simple butter cake with pudding filling and chocolate frosting for a summer intern’s birthday, I thought to myself “this will be a piece of cake” (I’m hilarious...I know). Turns out, it wasn’t a good idea to use a full cake recipe for each of the individual rounds of the cake (see picture below).  The cake literally looks like it was attacked by a toddler at their 1

I was so horrified by the appearance of the cake that I decided to serve the cake from a distance to save myself the ridicule from my co-workers. After much internal, self- deprecation came the dreaded moment when my co-workers took their first bite. Turns out, everyone thought the cake was delicious!

An old lesson re-visited...never judge a book by its cover!

Kinda gives new meaning to the term "Hot mess"