Saturday, September 21, 2013


The title was inspired by a vanity license plate I saw once.

Anywho, this week was the boy's birthday. We celebrated Wednesday, but his family shindig is tomorrow. So I decided to try and make him an apple pie (his favorite).  Because we all know that the way to a man's heart is through his clogged arteries.

Now, I made him one earlier this year, but my mother supervised (to the point of physically holding my hands) so I felt that didn't count. On this one, I was GOING ROGUE!

So, a lesson I have yet to learn, is to pick a recipe before I start buying ingredients. I bought a 5lb bag of apples, only to find out I needed less than half that (Damn you Joy of Cooking and your tiny font!) I also had no Crisco, but I caved and bought some. (Suggestions of what the hell to do with the rest of it are welcome)

So first I chilled the crisco and butter. Not sure why you're supposed to do this, BUT YOU ARE!
This reminded me that I really don't know what the hell containers you're supposed to use for this. I end up using tupperware....plates....whatever I can get my hands on.

So I bust out my new food processor to make the dough. Toss in the flour (I don't have a sifter so I just shook it a bunch) After letting my fat chill, I start mixing it in. Joy of Cooking (JOC) tell me to put in half the crisco.....THEN (and only then) put in the OTHER half. What the hell difference does that make?!

Problem is, I didn't listen to my mother and got the smaller food processor. The following convo illustrated how this happened:

Mom: (in store trying to talk me out of smaller one)  But you'll only be able to make ONE pie crust at a time!"

So yeah, long story short, there was room for the pie dough, but it didn't "stir" well because it was so full.  I had to keep opening it and manually flipping it, which kinda defeats the point of having a food processor.
The dough kept picking sides

But shockingly, the dough turned out okay.
So I toss those into the fridge to chill (at this point I realize I have no wax paper, so make do with tinfoil) Now, onto the apples

My mother was kind enough to give me an apple peeler/corer that looks like an ancient torture device, but is super awesome.  Basically you impale the apple on the spikes, start turning it, launch this blade at JUST the right moment as you keep cranking, and it peels, slices, and cores the whole apple. IF YOU DO IT JUST RIGHT. Fortunately I'd practiced with it when my Mom supervised my last pie.
What it looks like when it's perfect (Product Ad Pic)



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